Breaking Cycles

The Mother Wound by Amani Haydar

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Heart breaking, infuriating, beautiful, tragic.
Empowering.

When I started writing this review it was a mess of my trying to establish what this book was about. I counted, when it dawned on me what I was doing – I’d listed eight ‘it’s abouts’ by that point and I was trying to find an eloquent way to add another. And maybe that isn’t a terrible way to discuss this work, because it fearlessly steps forward to tackle so much, but a list also does not quite do it justice.

Amani Haydar has managed to weave an intricate and beautiful story out of her memories, thereby allowing us into a layered grief and experience that is deeply personal and distinctly powerful. She tells her story, her mother’s story and pieces of her grandmother’s story, in a way that opens generations, to the point where there are elements of the story that I was unexpectedly grateful for – such as the way culture, language and religion are embedded like enrichening colour and texture. Haydar doesn’t shy away from societal assumptions and misunderstandings. The complex bravery of this work is truly profound. And the rippled effect of domestic, and other, violence deserves more attention.

Ultimately, I would say this is a book about strong women and the generational link and intimacy between them. The impact of our mothers and grandmothers and the gaping absence when their presence is removed. It’s also about the things we do, or don’t, understand within those relationships. The things we take for granted and the things we regret. There’s a lot to unpack and sit with, a lot of emotions to work through.

The Mother Wound also takes a serious look at how the justice system fails victims and the cries for help we all fail to see. The part played by society, the patriarchy and the impact of choosing what’s easy over what’s right is laid bare. There should be more discussion around the reporting of abuse, and in particular the reporting of abuse unseen. Emotional and psychological control are destructive forces and need more investigation.

I will also note that listening to the audio book, read by the author, was a privilege. There are moments when the reality of the story being told breaks through and the impact is more tangible because of it. Hearing the Arabic words pronounced was also immeasurably more beautiful than how I would’ve thought to pronounce them if I’d seen them written.




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